Marijuana as “Medicine” - Just what the M.D. / Ph.D. / J.D. ordered

Marijuana as “Medicine”

Just what the M.D. / Ph.D. / J.D. ordered

I am a Seattle lawyer with chronic back pain and a history of S.A.D.  I suffer from spinal arthritis and a genetic predisposition to alcoholism.  I have been prescribed Oxycontin, Hydrocodone, Prozac, and Wellbutrin and told not to mix them with booze.  Frustrated by my constantly knotted bowels, nervous terror, and desire to jump off a bridge, I decided to seek an umpteenth opinion.  On the advice of my metaphysician, I recently filled a medical marijuana prescription.  It’s made all the difference in the world.

It has been one year since we Washingtonians passed Initiative 502.  The medical marijuana industry stands to lose big from regulation when it finally kicks in next Spring; indeed, the only people I know who voted no were MMJ distributors.  We patients will be fine; the new scheme only expands our rights.  Vendors, on the other hand, must become state-licensed.  There are currently hundreds of untaxed, unregulated pot shop shops in Seattle.  Only 21 in-city licenses will be issued.  Here’s hoping that such a paucity of legal suppliers will indeed be able to decrease black market demand, and that industry experts (i.e., medical marijuana collectivists) will overcome their paranoia about having cameras recording every inch of their operations 24-7, and file the paperwork to go legitimate.

D.C. told Olympia: “We’ll back off and wait to see what happens if you promise to thwart the black market, and keep it from kids” – goals which the DEA has unequivocally not itself achieved in its protracted war on its own minority citizens.  The cost of zero-tolerance over the years has been incalculable.  But I digress.

The federal government continues to classify THC as a schedule 1 hallucinogenic.  It’s on par with LSD because the other Washington recognizes no benefits.  Anyone who witnessed San Fran in ‘68 can probably imagine a balancing test in which mind-altering (read: subconscious-outing) chemicals are perceived to be threatening to the establishment.  And to be fair, THC is de-square-ifying.  On the other hand it confers certain benefits. 

Because the debate lacks empirical evidence, I, as one of the few people in the world with permission to walk around with a joint in my pocket, feel duty-bound to relate my iota of experience. 

Here’s what my addiction looks like:  I come home from my job stressed.  My back and neck hurt.  I desire to unwind.  Rather than ten fingers of scotch, I pour myself a half-cup of chilled lemon water into a double-percolated glass-blown hookah pipe.  Then I select exactly the right strain of cannabis for my needs, play some evocative music, stretch out on floor pillows like the Cheshire Cat, and light up.  Occasionally (usually on weekends) I take a whole day to check in with myself; I find that self-psychoanalysis facilitates good mental health.

Why doesn’t Obama just order the FDA to conduct a clinical trial?  Because he knows what the results would be.  And then he’d have to comment.  But he doesn’t really give a darn – it’s only pot. 

Leave it to the states, says our judicious leader, re-delegating to we grantors of his power our 10^th Amendment rights.

Herb might adversely affect adolescents’ brains say medical professionals.  Okay, restrict it to adults; that (kind of) works with alcohol.  Prosecute street deals.

Black marketers are businessmen; they have bottom-lines, like everyone else.  Cut deeply enough into their profits and they cannot continue to function.  Take away their weed sales, and they will have to shut down their entire operations, including distributing to minors bath salts and meth. 

Now the only guys who will sell weed to kids are SOL.  Shucks, maybe they’ll have to look for a 9-5 gig.

Interestingly, prior criminal convictions for marijuana related offenses will not preclude entrepreneurs from applying for the grower, processor and distributor licenses now available.  Which seems correct – after all, what other job can a convicted brother get?

In my opinion, in this case, federal interests will be excellently served by regulation at the state level.  And the economics of the idea is sound: tax the profits; conserve – indeed, increase – our monetary resources for use on more pressing problems.  Furthermore, society in general will profit from the more equitable treatment of its tan men.  Legislation which produces discriminatory results is per se unconstitutional.[1]

We’ll have to wait and see how it all plays out.  But I for one vow to continue to use medical marijuana even if the federal government does step in.  Because bud is kind for what ails me, way mellower than anything else.  And as a citizen it is my right to civilly disobey unjust laws and try to catch a court case.

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[1]  The appearance of anomalous district boundaries was sufficient to state a claim under the Equal Protection Clause for racial gerrymandering. [DeWitt v. Wilson, 856 F. Supp. 1409, 1412 (D. Cal. 1994)]. (Source: http://definitions.uslegal.com/r/racial-gerrymandering/)

Seahawk Studs Suspended for Smoking Plant Less Harmful Than Alcohol

The Seahawks will battle the Saints next Monday for first place in the NFC without two of their top defensive backs, Brandon Browner and Walter Thurmond.  Second-stringers will have to do their best to slow down Drew Brees because the starters smoked pot and got caught.  To be fair, Browner’s gotten burned a bunch this year; maybe he’s been playing baked.  But Thurmond surely hasn’t, all he’s done is relax with a joint or two rather than pound Vicoden and beer like his peers do.[1]

Yeah, Ricky Williams and Tyrion Mathieu smoked weed and maybe it messed with their heads a bit.  But it’s way better that they puffed herb than abused alcohol, isn’t it? Athletes’ bodies are fine-tuned machines, booze is horrible for them, so what - jocks don’t get to hang?  Marijuana use doesn’t signal “character issues”, it signals interesting characters, like basketball’s Bill Walton and Bison Dele.  But football players are only encouraged / allowed to be macho drunk meatheads.

What’s with all the NFL DUIs anyways?  Can’t y’all afford drivers?

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[1] SI’s Michael McKnight reports that many NFL players “see marijuana as a viable option to the pills and injections given to them by their employers to manage the side effects of their violent occupation.” (‘Joint Account, The politics of pot in professional football’, Sports Illustrated, Nov. 25, 2013)

The Trajectory of Russell Wilson’s Balls

He flings Tecmo Bowl blimpballs, easy for receivers to adjust to; his range is about 70 yards.  Kid’s got a cannon – everyone remembers his “Simultaneous Possession” hail mary to Tate.  Hawks fans also remember well number 3's heave that beat Brady last year.  His precision touchdown to Baldwin Sunday just before halftime (it must be mentioned: he manages the game well) was beautiful, it plopped down right where only his guy could catch it; above double coverage with pinpoint accuracy.

Also, Russell Wilson has courage.  And ambition and drive.  In a word, balls.  I like that he’s studious (whenever it’s the D’s turn he retires to the bench with his notebook and immerses himself in intellectual analysis of the game) does well in interviews, etcetera.  I like that he's heady: he only runs when he has to, and protects himself.  I like that he played baseball, because he knows how to slide, and can flip backhanded touchdown pitches.  I love that he sacks up in crunchtime, and that he sprints out of the pocket and threatens to run... then throws over the top like Randall Cunningham.

And I love that fact that the young man has proven himself to be a mature and capable leader.  I trust him to use the clock to his advantage, and to make something happen with his huge gun or his lightening quick pistons, and never to bitch when he gets hit.  Never to commit a personal foul (unless someone deserves it).  Never to whine about his coaches or teammates.  Certainly to appreciate Hawk Nation Fans, who have fallen in young with the brainy underdog.  Stud’s got big balls.  His potential is as sky high as his throwing style, because of his physical, emotional and intellectual IQ.

Tokers' Right: Peaceful Assembly

The 1^st Amendment grants American citizens the right to assemble peacefully – ever been to Hempfest?  Diverse strangers co-mingling under the influence of marijuana is a sight for starry-eyed humanists to behold.  Whereas such a gathering would obviously be dangerous chaos were everyone drunk.  Marijuana is less bad than alcohol.  

One of the deficiencies in Washington State Liquor Control Board’s rules is that marijuana cannot be consumed in public; not even inside a club.  Never out in the open (although this rule is ignored all over Seattle) and explicitly not in a park, which sucks.  Nor at a concert, nor at a ball game...  It’s prohibited like booze and like cigarettes combined.  Unless one owns one’s own home one has no legal place to get high.  

I applaud the Seattle Police's provisional decision not to enforce.  But power should be vested in the people; I suggest explicitly permitting it in spiritual temples, like churches.

According to pertinent jurisprudence, recognized members of recognized indigenous communities get special “spiritual uses” protections.  That is, Native Americans on Native land can do hallucinogens (which pot is).  Fair enough; tribes should be treated as quasi-sovereign, since they are.  But what about we Rastas and Hindus?  Why can’t I convert to whichever religion I choose?  Oh I yeah, I can.  

My 1^st Amendment right of assembly also confers upon me the right to join any religious or secular association.  A tribe (not the government) gets to decide who is a member of said tribe.  

The counter-argument is I should just get a vaporizer.

Liquor Control Board Announces Pot Rules; MMJ Pissed

By now you’ve seen the headlines; if you’re a medical marijuana distributor you’ve gotta be pissed.  But fair enough; gotta regulate the industry all the way and eliminate the black market, which doesn’t care to whom it sells; keep it from kids – control the supply.

Seed to sale tracking, so you know whose product you find across state lines.  Concessions to the Feds.  Who’ve been cool as shit so far; to be fair, they’ve got bigger concerns.  Here’s an idea to balance the budget: defund the DEA!

Growers and Processors should find plenty of secure warehouse space for their LCB-mandated-high-security operations in the industrial district. Taxable retail sales are expected to begin mid 2014; licenses to operate 334 stores statewide will go on sale mid-November 2013.  61 in King County.  21 in Seattle.  

Medical Marijuana dispensaries must obtain a retailer’s license by 2015.  There are currently 200 MMJ dispensaries in Seattle.  Squeezed out, bitch!

Silver lining:  If you’ve got a medical card you can still own more than an ounce, and grow up to 3 “unlicensed” plants.

News Flash: Two party political system leads to gridlock

The United States is the only power nation I know of that uses a two party political system.  The Brits have like six major parties which all send representatives to the legislature.  They present to one another varied points of view, which are debated in a collegial atmosphere conducive to the critical analysis of multifaceted issues.  Or something like that.

Whereas House Republicans throw a temper tantrum, and Tea Party radicals arm themselves in preparation for the colored people apocalypse.  Right wingers oppose any idea which might bring Left wingers credit.  And vice versa to a certain extent.  Good ideas get thwarted out of spite.

What’s ironic is that a two party system also creates a coming-to-the-middle effect.  Party lines vie for the middle, to get that swing 10%.  Their rhetoric is barely different.  (Though not having been caught saying nigger in da white house don’t make you not racist.)

Personally I think our system would be better off if it were a little more socialist.  That’s different from democrat (though most all socialists vote democrat so's not to waste it).  Yes there’s a green party and a libertarian party and that, but how many of those guys actually represent constituents?  The Tea Party should be its own radical fundamentalist splinter party.  For example.  And there should be a thoughtful humanist party comprising a shit ton of swing votes.  

What should be done about the NCAA (Fuck the BCS)

The inequitable monopoly that is big time college sports has been exposed for its greed and hypocrisy.  They all (school presidents, millionaire coaches, billionaire boosters etc) claim that they want to preserve the integrity of the game.  But not even in the FCS are most athletes serious students.  An Ivy League game may be played by scholars, to a crowd of 20,000.  Armed services games make money as well, but none of those dudes were offered scholarships to play for a D1 behemoth.  Sports Illustrated’s expose of the Okalhoma State football program sufficiently illuminates the truth, which is no longer even seriously debated:  The NCAA and its member institutions make huge money off of talented young brown men and don’t give them anything viable in return.

Maybe one percent of big time college athletes will strike it rich in the NFL or NBA draft lottery.  Many more baseball players will live comfortably playing farm MLB hoping to get a shot at the bigs.  But then their sport isn't nearly as popular.  A Damoclean sword constantly threatens foot and basket ball jocks' cocks; they only remain on scholarship as long as they continue to perform at a peak level.  On the field that is.  Who has time for class and homework?  Maybe the most dedicated and disciplined.  Realistically most of these coddled superstar athletes aren’t exactly superb scholars because they've never had to be.  Or because they come from neighborhoods with bad schools.  Most of them have no chance of making it to the NFL or to graduation; pay em now.

NCAA and Texas A&M press their rights to make money off Johnny Football while telling him he can’t.  Ed O’Bannion sues because he should have made millions off his video game.  College sports has become an entertainment business.  The NCAA is a monopoly.  And monopolies are illegal.

They’re not gonna budge – and they shouldn’t.  Although I for one would like to think those are actually students in the midst of earning their degrees out there representing my huskies.  I’d root for em harder if they were.  Then again, I’d want them to win. Probably wouldn’t pay fifty bucks to see them get their asses whipped. 

What if NCAA sports went back to being respectable?  Tons of exes would lose their profits, dozens of chick sports would lose their funding, the list of losers goes on…  That situation is not what anyone wants.

What if it wasn’t their decision?

What if there was a semi-pro league?  Where athletes would play for money, and not have to bother about school.  The quality of the game would be high, and the passion for it.  A lot of these guys would go pro.  What if the NFL set up a feeder league similar to MLB's?

Competition is the essence of regulated capitalism.[1] 

Fans are rabid about football; they’d go to semi-pro games, even watch em on T.V.  They could play on Saturdays.  Fuck the BCS.

Recruiters could go around to high schools and just scoop up the talent – where’s a kid gonna wanna go: a place where he’s getting paid and looked at by the bigs, or a place from whence he might graduate one day if he practices his sport and studies and does nothing else including sleep?

Certain power football and basketball conferences like the SEC and the ACC and the BIG 12 and the PAC 12 for that matter, would keep the lights on in their athletic departments.  So could an entity like Boise State, if they (correctly) determined that having a big-time football program brings in donor money and freshmen; if Universities could make the deal sweet enough for a few teenaged stars they’d probably land em.  Gotta treat them like the gold they is though.  Help em by getting em a tutor, not by writing their papers to keep em just barely eligible to play.

Set up some competition for the monopoly that is the NCAA.

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[1] Antitrust laws exist because industry barons like Rockefeller made billions and paid tidbits; a just society must be equitable, even if this means being a bit socialist.