Sunday, June 30, 2013

Pride; Mainstream

“Originally this was an alternative parade,” I remarked to my wife as the third group of bank employees shuffled listlessly by, humbled by the lack of applause.
The dykes on bikes led it off excellently, it must be said, with wonder-woman and everywoman revving their phat hogs down 4th street.  But then came commercials for at least 20 corporations who’d “asked” their employees to participate to promote name recognition – a not-bad idea considering that the crowd of spectators must’ve exceeded a hundred thousand.

Some firms at least got into the spirit; like Chipotle, with their cowboy straddling a gyrating burrito “So Big You Can Ride It”.  Starbucks made a commendable showing numbers wise; as did Microsoft, whose employees who got more into the colorful spirit.  Uninterestingly enough, Amazon again didn’t do dick for the city.

Neighbors had a memorable float, so did Wildrose, as is to be expected of the best gay and lesbian clubs in town, respectively.  The firefighters elected not to display their beefcake, a shame, because it was like 90 degrees out and everyone was panting for their hoses.

Kudos to the kamikaze bikini squirt gun crew, who flitted up and down the line, teasing marchers and watchers alike; applause also to pink roller batman, who I swear I saw last week in freemont as black batman – unmistakable physique.  

A heartfelt thumbs-up to the doggie fetishists with butt plug tails.

But all in all, San Fran wouldn’t’ve been real impressed.

The Mormon Church was there pledging their solidarity; interesting.  I suppose they must be angling for that slippery slope towards polygamy.  Washington’s first wives were present as well; kind-eyed smiling octogenarians they looked from afar.

From the boy scouts to the tranny dominatrixes, everyone was totally into it.  Especially, I assume, the absent Dan Savage.

Even the bike cops sported mardi gras necklaces.

Afterwards at the Seattle Center there was a mile long line to pee.  The A/C was sweet, but the real fun was in getting drenched in the joyously ejaculating fountain.  A competent D.J. rocked rave tracks and several freaks flocked towards his beats… but the problem was not enough people were on enough drugs. But that’s okay, there’s a time and a place for that; this was a family affair.

Chock a block with vendors’ stalls; all manner of entrepreneurs selling all kinds of shit: kudos to the guy with the $1 ice cold water cooler on wheels, my wife was just talkin bout how thirsty she is.  Marijuana perfumed the air, as it does at every Seattle public gathering these days.

Shoulder to shoulder “Wieners!  Penis popsicles for sale”!

It was almost weird being a straight couple there.  Don’t get me wrong, we were totally welcomed (if a bit swept to the edges): one very sincere dude even stopped us and thanked us from the bottom of his heart for our support.  To which I of course replied: we just came for the flesh, bro- whatever.

Not much tittilating naughtiness in the end; lots of partners with kids.  That’s what gay has become in Seattle: no big deal.   

Another majority-held value, with which everyone is rushing to associate now that it’s mainstream.

Friday, June 28, 2013

The GOP position on immigration is offensive.

A political party is a reflection of its constituency.

Voters have always fallen for fear tactics, but we have less excuse now than ever to swallow xenophobic rhetoric, what with the unlimited information at our fingertips.

The problem is we've all got attention deficit. We require to be entertained every single second, to get hooked in 140 characters or less.

Who has time for critical analysis of multifaceted issues when there's so much great stuff on Netflix?

The GOP platform on immigration is offensive notwithstanding.

Tyranny of the majority continued to play for a century after the fall of the Confederate South. White Christians haven’t proven themselves a very benevolent most populous demographic since then. (Though which group ever has?)

Group identity is inevitable; it is only natural that Italians hated Irish hated Jews back in the day. Of course, those were the immigrant groups, then.  Similarly, many modern-day Latinos criticize each other far more passionately than they do whites. Or whites vilify them, for that matter.

It’s just that at the current rates of inversion, unless they start mating like CaribeƱos, Caucasians will soon become a minority group, a situation to which no amount of gerrymandering will be able to adjust, unless something bullheaded is done on the front-end.

Why wouldn’t the golden gringos want to retain their power by any means necessary? Trust me, sus vecinos comprenden muy bien la idea. That’s why they’ll never in a million years vote for you even if you raise up Rubio.

You’re treating Latinos like enemies, unlike the natural allies they are; unlike Canadians, for example. They get the hint, hijos de putas.

School’s Out in D.C.; Grades In

The Supreme Court went short of calling marriage a fundamental right; indeed, they straight up punted on prop 8, about which I’d be extremely upset if it didn’t mean the appellate court’s overturning of the gay marriage ban will stand. That is, gay marriage will resume in California, whoo hoo.

But by overturning DOMA the Court directly remedied a glaring inequity: Bi-national homosexual couples’ petitions for change of residency status were formerly thrown out; now they will be evaluated the same as straight couples’, provided that they were married in a marriage equality state.  All U.S. Citizens get to make their spouses citizens now, even mail-order brides; it’s one of the best federal rights we have; one of the greatest gifts we can bestow upon our beloveds on our gayest of wedding days.  The Supreme Court gets an A-.

The United States Senate gets a C-.

Here’s why: First of all, their schizophrenic immigration “reform” bill has no prayer of getting through the House. Secondly, yes, they’re offering a path to citizenship for long-term illegals, who everybody hires under the table with a wink, whose masters pocket the payroll deduction, who don’t pay taxes… The Senate says: sign ee up; I need someone to foot my social security and medicare bills!

But keep em out!

Beef up border security; build the Berlin wall like we’re mortal enemies; the China wall, like they’re some bloodthirsty Mongol horde. Construct the Great Wall of Drones, ‘cause they’re brown.

For those already here, the “path to citizenship” would be a relative win (again, if it somehow survived the House of Representatives’ red pens), though the proscribed road is long, and it requires one to constantly best-behave and obey. To any overseas family members, however, well… we really wish you could join all the fun, it’s just: we’re full: we’ve decided that about 15% ‘ethnic’ is as high as we’re willing to go. We also don’t want any more black people, which a lot of “you people” are, you know.

I’m not that saying that the rich old white boys’ club isn’t slowly adapting, it’s just that these particular rich white men and women want their super-privileged sons and daughters to get easy schmooze jobs too. Thus, they can’t let the voting demographic get too out of whack.