There’s a reason so many vets are homeless. And Native Americans alcoholics. And young gods in their primes dead.
Subjectively, that is. Objectively, this is the greatest country in the history of the universe. Highest glass ceilings; plushest safety net (for those who choose to accept charity from a hegemon). But to some scarred souls, none of it is worth it.
Neizsche, first among many, described the phenomenon. PTSD isn’t exactly the same as nihilism, but it’s similar. Watch the supermarket scene in The Hurt Locker. Read Into the Wild. McCandliss was an old soul although a young naïve one, that is to say, a searcher. His sister’s “childhood trauma from a broken home” explanation galls, because I believe I know her brother better than she did, which is sad; he wanted to taste the marrow, to paraphrase Robin Williams quoting Keating. As did I, in my mid-twenties. Twenty-seven, actually, was the epitome of my disaffectedness. Like Morrison, Cobain, Hendrix, Joplin…
Once you’ve been exposed to the core; your soul flayed open; what we lemmings are striving so purposefully to achieve appears – subjectively – to be bullshit.
I get jaded. I get not wanting to participate in modern society if it means busting my ass to fit in with drones about whom I could give a sippy cup of diarrhea.
If you were Native American, would you choose to assimilate, to digest the colonizer’s ethos? I’d shit on it.
If you were a rock god, at the absolute pinnacle of your power, would you fixate on the futility of your existence, and giggle at the finality of your death?
After inhaling the nectar, humdrum workaday living (which we all pressure each other to idealize, for some reason [we’re dependent upon one another for tax funded infrastructure development, so we enter into a mutual castration compact]) is noticeably bland. Gimme flavor! Gimme vivid! Something which stimulates my spirit, otherwise no thank you.
The Buddha is considered to have become enlightened. Subjectively, of course. His main message was: become willing to give it all up.
Hindus believe anyone can become enlightened. Millions of Indians are holy men; you can be too.
Give it all up, and catapult yourself out of your comfort zone – just don’t give up. Choose existentialism. Choose transcendentalism. Find your Purpose; don’t let anyone else tell you what it is. Except maybe a Shaman.
To give it all up is to make a great sacrifice; the closest-to-guaranteed way I know to launch one’s self on a spiritual trip.
Buy a one-way ticket with the last of your cash. Bring a backpack, and gifts.
Or not. Ok but be warned: You may be your own best bullshitter but you can’t fake it forever. Your superego’s mission is to drown out your id. But your iGod will out if you let it. Let it, before you regret it. Be the god of your life in your prime; refuse to be anyone’s bitch until you’re good and ready to surrender to the bliss of monochrome oblivion.