News Flash: Two party political system leads to gridlock

The United States is the only power nation I know of that uses a two party political system.  The Brits have like six major parties which all send representatives to the legislature.  They present to one another varied points of view, which are debated in a collegial atmosphere conducive to the critical analysis of multifaceted issues.  Or something like that.

Whereas House Republicans throw a temper tantrum, and Tea Party radicals arm themselves in preparation for the colored people apocalypse.  Right wingers oppose any idea which might bring Left wingers credit.  And vice versa to a certain extent.  Good ideas get thwarted out of spite.

What’s ironic is that a two party system also creates a coming-to-the-middle effect.  Party lines vie for the middle, to get that swing 10%.  Their rhetoric is barely different.  (Though not having been caught saying nigger in da white house don’t make you not racist.)

Personally I think our system would be better off if it were a little more socialist.  That’s different from democrat (though most all socialists vote democrat so's not to waste it).  Yes there’s a green party and a libertarian party and that, but how many of those guys actually represent constituents?  The Tea Party should be its own radical fundamentalist splinter party.  For example.  And there should be a thoughtful humanist party comprising a shit ton of swing votes.  

What should be done about the NCAA (Fuck the BCS)

The inequitable monopoly that is big time college sports has been exposed for its greed and hypocrisy.  They all (school presidents, millionaire coaches, billionaire boosters etc) claim that they want to preserve the integrity of the game.  But not even in the FCS are most athletes serious students.  An Ivy League game may be played by scholars, to a crowd of 20,000.  Armed services games make money as well, but none of those dudes were offered scholarships to play for a D1 behemoth.  Sports Illustrated’s expose of the Okalhoma State football program sufficiently illuminates the truth, which is no longer even seriously debated:  The NCAA and its member institutions make huge money off of talented young brown men and don’t give them anything viable in return.

Maybe one percent of big time college athletes will strike it rich in the NFL or NBA draft lottery.  Many more baseball players will live comfortably playing farm MLB hoping to get a shot at the bigs.  But then their sport isn't nearly as popular.  A Damoclean sword constantly threatens foot and basket ball jocks' cocks; they only remain on scholarship as long as they continue to perform at a peak level.  On the field that is.  Who has time for class and homework?  Maybe the most dedicated and disciplined.  Realistically most of these coddled superstar athletes aren’t exactly superb scholars because they've never had to be.  Or because they come from neighborhoods with bad schools.  Most of them have no chance of making it to the NFL or to graduation; pay em now.

NCAA and Texas A&M press their rights to make money off Johnny Football while telling him he can’t.  Ed O’Bannion sues because he should have made millions off his video game.  College sports has become an entertainment business.  The NCAA is a monopoly.  And monopolies are illegal.

They’re not gonna budge – and they shouldn’t.  Although I for one would like to think those are actually students in the midst of earning their degrees out there representing my huskies.  I’d root for em harder if they were.  Then again, I’d want them to win. Probably wouldn’t pay fifty bucks to see them get their asses whipped. 

What if NCAA sports went back to being respectable?  Tons of exes would lose their profits, dozens of chick sports would lose their funding, the list of losers goes on…  That situation is not what anyone wants.

What if it wasn’t their decision?

What if there was a semi-pro league?  Where athletes would play for money, and not have to bother about school.  The quality of the game would be high, and the passion for it.  A lot of these guys would go pro.  What if the NFL set up a feeder league similar to MLB's?

Competition is the essence of regulated capitalism.[1] 

Fans are rabid about football; they’d go to semi-pro games, even watch em on T.V.  They could play on Saturdays.  Fuck the BCS.

Recruiters could go around to high schools and just scoop up the talent – where’s a kid gonna wanna go: a place where he’s getting paid and looked at by the bigs, or a place from whence he might graduate one day if he practices his sport and studies and does nothing else including sleep?

Certain power football and basketball conferences like the SEC and the ACC and the BIG 12 and the PAC 12 for that matter, would keep the lights on in their athletic departments.  So could an entity like Boise State, if they (correctly) determined that having a big-time football program brings in donor money and freshmen; if Universities could make the deal sweet enough for a few teenaged stars they’d probably land em.  Gotta treat them like the gold they is though.  Help em by getting em a tutor, not by writing their papers to keep em just barely eligible to play.

Set up some competition for the monopoly that is the NCAA.

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[1] Antitrust laws exist because industry barons like Rockefeller made billions and paid tidbits; a just society must be equitable, even if this means being a bit socialist.

New Grand Old Party Platform

I've been working on my speech for the convention.  Republican leaders want me to unveil their new improved updated party platform for some reason.  Now they're just looking for the perfect puppet candidate:  preferably a pregnant paraplegic lesbian.

I went to some meetings and took notes.  Here's what I've come up with so far.

“Might makes right” may seem "wrong" to you pussies in rose-tinted tea-lenses, but to us it’s crystal clear; the USA is top dog for a reason, and we should all get on board with the winning team!  

Now this man Obama...

We like the universal healthcare and respect he espouses; we like some of his other Marxist tendencies too, even if he is from one of those Niger places full of colored people; we think the U.S. is too caught up in consumer greed and screen entertainment to truly think about things, much less research, campaign and vote for them.  Which has worked well for fearmongerers in the past.  But all these young whippersnappers with this newfangled interweb...  The fact is we are too fat.  We have king’s disease (aka gout). 

Every responsible adult with a job eventually comes to realize… even ex-hippies started voting for Reagan... It's good to be red, but maybe we should just incorporate a touch of purple, whatever them donkeys are winnin with; rework social welfare more on a Norwegian model for example - whichever country way better services, somebody should do some research or something.  But let’s also get back to being real: being bullies is what got us where we are atop the food chain.  We should be pro-military, it’s by far our greatest international advantage; it’s what makes us the world’s only superpower, which makes us an economic superpower in turn.  

We have the luxury to piss away cash on our crippled weaklings because we pick on middle eastern dictators before they get too big and band together and defeat us like the Soviets couldn’t either because we outspent them until they busted (truism of war, politics and the Olympics: gold wins).  

The history of east west relations is unequivocally characterized by animosity, and Russia is half chink for that matter.  Fuckin Brown People; bomb em all to Hell.  Oh yeah, some of us are Brown. 

Okay then, treat em like the rest of us and pick on somebody else for some reason other than skin color.  Not Canada though, they’re like our differently mentally abled kid brother with retard chromozone: you kinda want to stick up for em.  How bout fuckin New Zealand?  Smug piece of shit Kiwis.  Ain't doin dick but drinking beer and marrying sheep down there.  What’s waterfront cost in Hawaii and Cali these days? Yeah. 

Let’s go park an Aircraft carrier off Auckland (just one mind you would do it) and appropriate an island or two, why not?  How would that tactic not result in an increase in our gross holdings?  What has every king ever attempted to do (besides feast)?  That's right, conquer. Who says we have to stop at 50 states, why not 60? 

Why shouldn’t Costa Rica follow Puerto Rico into the Union?  Ya mas dos estrellas.  Next El Salvador, Panama, the Phillipines, Israel… Oh yeah... that whole racist dick we’ve been throughout history thing.  

NEZs and SL

As well as delineating DRUG FREE areas (i.e. the 1000 buffer rule), cities should designate NON ENFORCABLE ZONES (NEZs).

Places where it's okay to smoke weed in public.

Private clubs should be permitted to encourage members to relax and enjoy a pipe or two, clearly - employees worried about second-hand smoke don't have to work there (an analogy would be cigar bars or golf clubhouses).  

In addition, certain open air spaces should be designated NEZs.

Quiet corners of parks could be set aside, for example.  Of course, they’d have to be gated to keep minors out, like ashrams.  Or made otherwise inaccessible to minors, like ewok treehouses…  

Furthermore, certain "churches" should be designated SOVEREIGN LAND (SL), where marijuana is used for spiritual purposes, or for recreational purposes, who cares?  Who are we hurting over here?  

At Hempfest, a cross-section of subcultures co-mingles so excellently – can you imagine 50,000 drunk people getting together like that?  They’d murder each other.  Better to lump us together, give us stoners a place, keep us from mixin with the square citizenry is all one can ask.  

As it is now, if one doesn’t own one’s home, one has no legal place to get high.  Even if one does (or rents from a sympathetic landlord), private abodes are no place to meet interesting strangers and socialize.

HOV Lanes

God I fucking hate traffic.

How great would it be if all new cars were electric, with smart cruise control like my Dad’s Durango has?  We’d cut down on fuel consumption; conserve our oil for when that valuable resource becomes scarce (and an even more irreplaceable one: the environment), and, by outfitting the entire car with sensors, we'd be able to plug in to a supercomputer which moved us from point A to point B maximally efficiently.  

Super Smart Cruise Control wouldn’t only wisely slow you down when you came flying up on somebody’s tailgate, it would brake to avoid mistakes you couldn't see coming and we’d travel through cities at exactly the speed limit, all of us together, sitting there drinking our lattes, chatting out our windows (you could :find friends and request to ride next to them in the interest of a pleasanter commute), wearing our Google glasses to direct our vehicle’s focus when necessary, like around turns or in emergencies.  But mostly, the vehicle would help us.  It would see things coming from all sides and keep perfect space and pace even when merging, eliminating bottlenecks and caterpillar humpback flow, possibly even red lights. 

Author demands 10% gross project budget, to which he is entitled, as Author retains All rights to his intellectual property, which he automatically copyrights by writing it down right now.