Marijuana as “Medicine”
Just what the M.D. /
Ph.D. / J.D. ordered
I am a Seattle lawyer with chronic back pain and a history of
S.A.D. I suffer from spinal
arthritis and a genetic predisposition to alcoholism. I have been prescribed Oxycontin, Hydrocodone, Prozac, and Wellbutrin and told not to mix them with
booze. Frustrated by my
constantly knotted bowels, nervous terror, and desire to jump off a bridge, I
decided to seek an umpteenth opinion. On
the advice of my metaphysician, I recently filled a medical marijuana
prescription. It’s made all
the difference in the world.
It has been one year since we Washingtonians passed Initiative 502. The medical marijuana industry stands
to lose big from regulation when it finally kicks in next Spring; indeed, the
only people I know who voted no were MMJ distributors. We patients will be fine; the new
scheme only expands our rights. Vendors, on the other hand, must
become state-licensed. There
are currently hundreds of untaxed, unregulated pot shop shops in Seattle. Only 21 in-city licenses will be
issued. Here’s hoping that
such a paucity of legal suppliers will indeed be able to decrease black market
demand, and that industry experts (i.e., medical marijuana collectivists) will overcome their paranoia about having cameras recording every inch of their operations 24-7, and file the paperwork to go legitimate.
D.C. told Olympia: “We’ll back off and wait to see what happens
if you promise to thwart the black market, and keep it from kids” – goals which the DEA has unequivocally not itself achieved in its protracted
war on its own minority citizens. The
cost of zero-tolerance over the years has been incalculable. But I digress.
The federal government continues to classify THC as a schedule 1
hallucinogenic. It’s on par
with LSD because the other Washington recognizes no benefits. Anyone who witnessed San Fran in ‘68
can probably imagine a balancing test in which mind-altering (read:
subconscious-outing) chemicals are perceived to be threatening to the
establishment. And to be
fair, THC is de-square-ifying. On the other hand it confers certain
benefits.
Because the debate lacks empirical evidence, I, as one of the
few people in the world with permission to walk around with a joint in my
pocket, feel duty-bound to relate my iota of experience.
Here’s what my addiction looks like: I come home from my job
stressed. My back and neck hurt. I desire to unwind. Rather than ten fingers of scotch, I pour myself a half-cup of chilled lemon water into a
double-percolated glass-blown hookah pipe. Then I select exactly the right strain
of cannabis for my needs, play some evocative music, stretch out on floor
pillows like the Cheshire Cat, and light up. Occasionally (usually on weekends) I
take a whole day to check in with myself; I find that self-psychoanalysis
facilitates good mental health.
Why doesn’t Obama just order the FDA to conduct a clinical
trial? Because he knows
what the results would be. And
then he’d have to comment. But he doesn’t really give a darn –
it’s only pot.
Leave it to the states, says our judicious leader, re-delegating to we grantors of his power our 10th Amendment rights.
Herb might adversely affect adolescents’ brains say medical
professionals. Okay,
restrict it to adults; that (kind of) works with alcohol. Prosecute street deals.
Black marketers are businessmen; they have bottom-lines, like
everyone else. Cut deeply enough
into their profits and they cannot continue to function. Take away their weed sales, and they
will have to shut down their entire operations, including distributing to minors
bath salts and meth.
Now the only guys who will sell weed to kids are SOL. Shucks, maybe they’ll have to look for
a 9-5 gig.
Interestingly, prior criminal convictions for marijuana related
offenses will not preclude entrepreneurs from applying for the grower,
processor and distributor licenses now available. Which seems correct –
after all, what other job can a convicted brother get?
In my opinion, in this case, federal interests will be excellently
served by regulation at the state level. And the economics of the idea is
sound: tax the profits; conserve – indeed, increase – our monetary resources for use on
more pressing problems. Furthermore, society in general will
profit from the more equitable treatment of its tan men. Legislation which produces
discriminatory results is per se unconstitutional.[1]
We’ll have to wait and see how it all plays out. But I for one vow to continue to use
medical marijuana even if the federal government does step in. Because bud is kind for what ails me,
way mellower than anything else. And
as a citizen it is my right to civilly disobey unjust laws and try to catch a
court case.
[1] The appearance of
anomalous district boundaries was sufficient to state a claim under the Equal
Protection Clause for racial gerrymandering. [DeWitt v. Wilson, 856 F. Supp.
1409, 1412 (D. Cal. 1994)]. (Source: http://definitions.uslegal.com/r/racial-gerrymandering/)
